you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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