i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
