We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
