it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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