This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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