Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
