No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
