he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
