Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
