dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
