I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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