fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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