The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
