I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
