i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I deserve this hangover.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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