toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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