I wish my penis had an off switch
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
