It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
