were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
