so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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