honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
