Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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