Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
