Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
