I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize