Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
