my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
