lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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