when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize