Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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