2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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