I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A+ Viking dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
