brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the condom got lost in my hair
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
