Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
