Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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