is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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