If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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