I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
