Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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