We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
