Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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