If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
