I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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