god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
