Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
