oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
