he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Randomize
