Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
