my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
