This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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