I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
