you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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