I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
