We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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