I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
