I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
