Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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