Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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