Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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