My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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