On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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