She's like a pop up book from hell.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
